weird body issues...

So what do you do when thee gods are telling you to do something that just seems so petty that you think that it's got to just be the puppets in your head talking to your issues and saying "Hey we could really get somewhere with this." What do you do when you know that you don't look right, but that the thing that you need to be more at home in your body is petty and vain?

I have been struggling with this issue for almost a year or more now, and I am getting to the point with it where I am about to just scream. I need more tattoos and peircings. Anything that makes me look less "normal." It's really pathetic too, because even just painting my nails dark and wearing threatening jewelry helps a little bit.

I have tried ignoring it, just saying "This is stupid. I am just trying to justify getting more body mods, because I think they are pretty and cool. I don't need them." But it's steadily been getting harder and harder to ignore.

So really what do I say to some of my trans-gendered friends who have real body disphoria. How do I say with a straight face "I feel the same as you because I don't have enough tattoos."

Winter says that all of this stems from something that She wants. That for some reason She cares whether or not I have enough tattoos or body jewelry to make me stand out in a crowd. Now any speculation as to why She gives a flying fuck aside, I have to hold a job, I need health insurance, I need to be able to bring home my portion of the household bills every month, which right now I am barely doing let alone paying for all of this art and various other shit.

I don't know. Maybe it is all just in my head. Maybe I just want a reason so I can justify getting more, maybe I just want to have something else to complain about.

Ok I'm done whining now.